In a few minutes, clock will strike 12:00 am and the new year will start. If I am gonna to come up with a title for 2015, it would be "Emotional Bonds Year".
Going back to my review for 2014 (check it here), my wish for 2015 was to learn how to say "I need your help" and going through what happened over the past year, this is exactly what happened.
Away from my promotion in July, the management course I took in August and the Cairo trip in December, everything else was about "Help and Share Emotions". Before 2015, if you asked anyone to conclude me in a word, you might get "smart", "practical" or "extra-rational" but you wouldn't get any emotions-related word. This can give you an idea about how hard it was for me to deal with emotions. The super control girl in me always believed that emotions exist only to direct us from time to time, but our actions should always come from our mind and based on analysis. Well ... 2015 proved me wrong!
I tried to organize my 2015 lessons and this is what I came up with ...
Allah is always there for you. He is always ready to hear your prayers, wipe your tears away, listen to all your continuous repeated complaints, and comfort your anxious heart. You will always stray away from him, but turning back is always doable and he is waiting for you.
Expressing your feelings and putting them in words will carry more peace to your mind. It will stop the self-talk in your mind and help you see a clearer picture of your surrounding.
A friend of mine told me yesterday that I became "less complaining" in 2015, which isn't true. The only difference is that now I "deliver my complaints in person" to only who cares about it. So it isn't only about expressing the feelings, but also about expressing them to who can contain it and sort them out with you.
Family will always be your first support team, even if you talk once a year. Whenever you need them, they will be there for you no matter what. My family went through consecutive problems for couple of months and the only thing that helped us go through it was our support to each other. Knowing that "We are all in this together" was always the key. My family may not be the greatest or coolest family ever, but they surely know how to support.
Friends are the people who are always there by your side, no matter how big the distance between you is. I had a problem telling them "I need your help" or "I need to talk" at the beginning, but over time, these two sentences became so common and so natural between us. Time proved that friends are always one call away, and all you need to do is to say the magical words "I need to talk". Each person has his own way of saying these magical words, some say it clear and loud, others say it hidden within a hundred words. The closer you become to each other, the easier it will be for you to find these words from an hour-long conversation.
Special thanks to Victor, Fawzia, Sarah, Aseel, Shaimaa and Mohamed, this year wouldn't be the same without you. Please be sure that your existence and help won't be taken for granted.
A hug or a kiss from Lama, or hearing her saying my name, even though it came out as "Mmeeeeenn", can be a simple delight for my day. Watching her growing old day by day, taught me the value of time and that time actually flies! She pushed me to see hidden sides that I weren't aware of their existence before.
You will meet people who will leave their impact in your life whether you liked it or not. All your life events will be classified into two big group, events that happened before and after knowing them. You might get angry with them, be aware of the hurt and pain they caused you, but you will always appreciate that your roads crossed one day.
You can't have peace in your life without having trust in people close to you. Yet you have to be aware where you put your trust. Putting your trust where it doesn't belong can easily bring you down. Trusting someone isn't equal to blind obedience, specially when it comes to your life decisions. You are the one and only boss when it comes to your life matters.
I've been told once that "to forget a bad memory, replace it by mimicking a similar one after changing the elements you didn't like". This is true to some extent, but my own version of this would be "to reduce your feeling about a bad memory, create much more happy memories with the same content (or as similar as possible). With time, the happy memories will cover the bad one and your mind will eventually drop it". At least this is what I tried to do in Cairo trip!
Life is too short. People in my age die at a sudden. They are with their family one day, and they are dead the next day. Don't waste your life in anger or hope. If you want something, do your best to get it. At least if you didn't get it after all, you will know that you did 200% effort.
I have to say "I am sorry" for a friend who I totally disappointed over the past two months. I couldn't be there for you, as you were there for me. I wish there was a way to make it up for you.
Few days ago I asked my friends to share our 2015 happy moments, and each one of them was a moment of help, support or emotions. This made me happy because this means I was changed enough to worth their trust and the bless of sharing part of their lives.
At the end of this year, I can't say it was a great or even good year, but this is the year that changed me to extents I hadn't thought of before. I am grateful that I had my family by my side for one more year. I am grateful for my friends who held me when I was weak.
As my wish for 2015 came true, let's try a new wish for 2016. May this year hold less pain for everyone and bring more peace and joy into our lives.
"اللهم يا جبار .. اجبر كسرنا اجمعين"
